Yesterday

Yesterday started out terrible and it just went downhill from there. I don't know what the heck was wrong with me. Luckily I had plenty of work to do at work so that was nice but I was just bummed out all day. My OB/GYN called me with all the test results. I was tested a few weeks ago because I'm having super duper heavy periods and it's driving me nuts. So she tested my uterus and nothing wrong there and did some blood work and nothing wrong there and did an ultrasound to check out my fibroids. She said they are fairly small, the biggest is less than 1 inch, which is good news considering they were gigantic when I was pregnant. My options now are only 2, an IUD or partial hysterectomy. After I heard all that and talked to the doc about pros and cons I just sat in my car and cried. I think more from just exhaustion and stress than anything else. I asked her about my mom dying from uterine cancer and she said that because all the tests came back ok that she wasn't too concerned. She said that the IUD would actually help prevent it so that's a plus. I just keep hearing all these terrible things about it. Hormones and me are not good friends so I'm not really excited about that but she said the IUD is local hormones and won't affect me like a regular birth control pill would. I talked with Jared last night about it. I'm leaning to the IUD right now and see how it goes and if it goes badly in a few months then I'll just have the surgery. 

So with all of that going on I ate terrible yesterday, but I did manage to get a workout on the treadmill in and ran for 22 minutes without stopping :) I need to keep that going. I really enjoy it and feel much better when it's over and done. I found a few good songs too so that's motivating and heard a few on the radio driving to work that I think my amp up the running to a quick pace. 

This morning I'm having a protein shake so hopefully I can keep eating good stuff today. I'll be glad when Easter is over, then there's really no more candy holidays until Halloween :) 

New day/New outlook

Well after the rant of yesterday I'm feeling much better. I am in last place with the competition, but I'm just going to keep trying. We still have 2 months and most of the losers so far can't keep dropping weight like they are for much longer. Slow and steady right? I'm going to be really good about watching what I eat and if I want a treat I'll keep it very small. I'm also going to walk every day at work, 2 times a day. I have a great route going, I just got new headphones and I need to update my walking playlist to include some good, fast songs. And since Jared doesn't have school the rest of this week I can get on the treadmill and do some running. I did it for 30 minutes on Saturday (walked for 5, then ran without stopping for 20, then cool down for 5). Gotta do that every night this week. The scale has got to move down somewhat right? Just going to take it one day at a time. And thanks Lindsey for the encouragement! Maybe I need to post everyday what I'm eating and be accountable for it. Hmm. That's a idea. Well then let's start with now!

So far today I've eaten (or will eat shortly):
small bowl of cinnamon chex with milk (gonna stop that habit tomorrow)
clementine
string cheese
protein shake
plain old celery
lean cuisine
1 bottle water so far (gotta get more of those in)

Ok, commence new day and new outlook on this!

Discouraged

I'm feeling like poop right now and don't really want to post on FB. And since I know pretty much no one reads this it's the perfect place. I'm so discouraged. At work I signed up for a weight loss competition. It was expensive to enter. I figured it really wouldn't be that hard. And I thought it was the perfect motivation for me  to continue my weight loss journey now that having babies is in the past. Well it's been a month (tomorrow is the weigh in) and I'm pretty much down only 3 pounds. I hate that I have zero will power and can't even stick to a 3 day diet for 3 days. I've been doing shakes but that isn't working anymore. I feel like I should just give up and say to hell with it all and get fat again and not worry about it anymore. You know when people say that want to live to 100 or whatever? Well I don't feel that way at all. I mean I want to be around for my kids and maybe one day grandkids but I'm really ready for the next life. This one is just really hard and I don't like it most of the time. Why can't I control what goes into my mouth? Why does it have to be such a struggle? I see skinny people and they are eating whatever they want. Or I see fat people and they diet and lose weight. I just don't get it. I know some of this is coming from sleep deprivation. I haven't had a full night's sleep in close to a year. So maybe that's why I can't get this weight off. I'm tired at work so to stay awake I eat. I don't know, just needed to get this out of my head. Maybe should have just posted on LJ instead.